Posts

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Is ‘fatherlessness’ really a problem?

I speak to a lot of people about the fact that their parent’s got divorced or that their dad bailed on them and a lot of those people say that they aren’t affected by it and never have been. I can’t say that they are all lying, but in my experience most of them are guilty of creating the fact that they are okay with it all. I find myself wanting to ask, ‘Are you trying to convince me or convince yourself?’ when they’re explaining.

Most people don’t want to seem weak or be vulnerable so they pretend that it’s all good. Or they don’t want to feel the emotions that go along with the experience so they tuck them away and convince themselves that the feelings never even existed to begin with. I did that for a long time. Now I don’t have any form of psychology degree or training so I’m not claiming to be and expert on this stuff, but I do have experience in the area and I can be pretty perceptive even if that is in my own opinion 🙂

The only reason I came to the place where I dealt with my emotions and insecurities Read more

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Thoughts about the blog

I was thinking about this blog yesterday and just running through a bunch of stuff in my mind. Things like ‘Why am I doing it?’ and ‘What if my dad reads it, or my brothers?’.

With regards to the first question, let me fill you in. I am under no illusions as to how many people currently read these little posts that I write and I figure I probably have somewhere between six and ten regular readers. That really isn’t many considering that one of the main reasons I started the blog was to hopefully help people to face up to the issues they have with their dad’s and to encourage forgiveness and even possibly reconciliation. Am I okay with number of readers? I definitely am. Would I like more readers? Yes, but only if what I write would be of value to them.

I sometimes think about how I can get more readers, and being guy who has worked in web design and development for the last six, or so, years I have know of a bunch of ways that will work. So why haven’t I been doing any of those things? Well, I could have emailed everyone who I have an email address for (and I have a lot!) and asked them to pass it on. I could have posted links on a bunch of forums and done a whole bunch of other things, but when I first started the blog I decided I didn’t want to push it in those ways. I decided I would rather let God grow the blog if it was a valuable resource and encouragement to people and something that He could use. I also figure that if the few people who do read the blog, or find it through the search engines, like what I’m putting out then they will keep coming back or subscribe to the RSS feed and they will tell people they know about it if they think those people need to read what I’m writing.

Another reason for the blog is that it’s good for me. It’s a way for me to consistently evaluate my state of mind, my feelings about my childhood, my attitude towards my dad, my relationship with God and my progress through life as an adult. It’s an outlet for what’s in my heart and mind, so even if nobody reads it, it’s still worth my while.

One thing I do know is that I should be posting more often. The truth is that sometimes I just don’t know what to write. My wife and I are also traveling for the next 3 months so that is going to make posting a little tougher.

I’ve been thinking about starting to write little stories about my childhood as a type of series, but I’m not too sure yet about what is okay to put online and what isn’t. Maybe I’ll just start out with some funny stories about what my friends and used to get up to?

Another thing that might help is if people asked me questions or something like that, so maybe I will add a page for questions – let me know what you think? Guest posts are another thing I have been thinking about so if you have something you’d like to write about on the blog then let me know and we’ll see if it fits. Do you think guest posts are a good idea? I have some friends and family that I have been considering asking to write some guest posts so I might do that soon.

‘What if my dad reads it, or my brothers?’

This is something I’ve thought about on and off since I started the blog, but I really thought about it quite a lot yesterday. I’d be okay with my dad reading what I write. Why is that? Well, I’ve spoken to my dad about my childhood and about how him not being around has affected my life and I’ve told him that I love him and that I’ve forgiven him. He knows that I don’t have any hard feelings towards him, but that doesn’t change the things that have happened to me as a result of his decisions. I have dealt with the majority of my feelings about it all, but there are people who in the situations (or worse ones) that I have already lived through and there are others who have lived them already too, but haven’t confronted the past,or the feelings or their dads and it is for them that I write this stuff. So if my dad does read my blog [which is unlikely since I doubt he even uses email :)] then I hope he understands the reason behind it and doesn’t see it as an attack on him – because it definitely isn’t that!

I have two brother’s (they’re technically half-brother’s since we share only the same dad) who are more likely to find their way to the blog than my dad (probably through Facebook) and I wondered what they would think if they read my blog. I really don’t know, because they have experienced my dad in a very different way than I have. He has been around for them. They grew up in the same house with him and he has taken them fishing and watched them play rugby. So they wouldn’t identify with my feelings or experience at all and might find it confusing, but they are good guys who I get along with very well and I like to believe that they would see the blog for what it is.

I know I could be stepping on toes with this blog, but I passionately believe that in a world where the divorce rate and fatherless homes rates are higher than ever before, we need to unite and deal with the situation. I am sold-out in my belief that where there are no father’s God is the ultimate Father and that His love can fill the void left by any absent earthly father.

Thanks so much for reading and please feel free to let me know your thoughts and suggestions.

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At times like this…

It’s at times like this, when things go horribly wrong and I feel so alone that I struggle to see God as a Father. I know in my mind who He is, but in my heart I have so much doubt and find it so hard to trust that He will look out for me and provide for me.

It’s at times like this that I feel so angry at my own Dad for disappointing me so much and contributing so greatly to my skewed view of who God is.

It’s at times like this that I realize that I need Jesus even more and that it’s me who needs to change and not Him.

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Fathers Discipline

I often find myself being jealous of what others have or with how their lives are. I compare myself to my friends and people I meet and far more often than not I feel inferior. I compare my achievements to those of other men my age and I feel so left behind. I feel very unsuccessful.

A few weeks ago, in one of these states, I found myself properly envious of where a couple my wife and I are friends with are in their lives and just how easily things seem to happen for them. Before I could even start complaining, God he showed me some scripture and swiftly brought me some discipline. Having grown up without the discipline that a father should bring I still find it difficult to accept discipline – even though I know how much I need it.

Check out what God had to say: Read more

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Fight or starve?

So this is my first official post. Let’s see how it goes…

I don’t know about you, but I take an extremely long time to make decisions. I often (if not always) over-analyze situations and what the consequences of decisions I make might be, so a lot of the time I just end up doing nothing and avoid deciding altogether. This is especially true when the decisions I have to make involve trusting people and believing that they will really do what they have said they will.

This stems from the fact that when a was a child my dad would regularly make promises to me about Read more